A wise man once said None of us ever stops being a newbie, we all just become more experienced newbies.
Stage 1: The infant. This newbie bought the shooter and hasn´t any clue how to play it. He starts off by playing the single player game using the keyboard and finds it to be very difficult. If the game has a demo of play (Like all the new shooter games have) the newbie is mystified by what he sees, thinking to himself only a master could play that way!
Stage 2: The toddler. At this stage, the newbie begins trying out other types of controllers. Some try joysticks, others trackballs, and a few even try the mouse (though they usually fail to configure it properly). The newbie, by this time, is feeling more comfortable with the single player game and considers playing this multiplayer that everyone is talking about.
Stage 3: Baptism by Fire! The newbie connects to an online server for the first time and is completely overwhelmed. If there´s lava to fall in, he does so. If there´s a flag to capture, he doesn´t. If there´s a way to die, he does it. At this point many newbies throw up their hands and say THIS GAME SUCKS and never play again.
Stage 4: Rebirth. The newbie talks to a veteran shootist and is brought up to speed. The newbie learns which input device to use (usually the mouse, but sometimes the trackball) and how to configure it. The newbie plays in more online games, and does very poorly. At this point he is likely not strafing properly and is crouching at inappropriate times. Most newbies upgrade their computers and buy a 3D card at this stage.
Stage 5: Getting stronger. The newbie starts learning some skillz, like circle strafing, shot prediction and aiming. He also starts learning the language of the community. It is during this time that w00t, llama and l33t are most commonly heard. It is usually at this stage that a newbie wins his first game and acquires the delusion that he has skillz. It is also common for a stage 5 newbie to torment and abuse less experienced newbies.
Stage 6: Humility. One day, while playing online, the newbie encounters a more experienced player and is SMACKED DOWN with authority. The newbie is crushed. Sometimes the newbie will conclude that the other player is cheating somehow, or is a bot. The newbie soon learns that he is only a mediocre player after all, and becomes depressed. If the newbie doesn´t give up at this point, he raises his expectations and keeps playing.
Stage 7: Competence. The newbie has refined his skillz and usually does well in online games. It is during this time than newbies first learn of the metagame. They have their first taste of strategy, juice cycles, timing, tactical prediction etc. Once again the newbie allows himself to think that he has finally mastered the game.
Stage 8: OWNED! The newbie finally encounters another player that defies description. So skilled is this other player that the newbie feels like he´s been knocked down to Stage 6. Most players don´t give up at this stage, but few advance any further.
Stage 9: Ascension. The newbie finds a group of stage 8 and stage 9 players to play with. He learns from them, and they learn from him. Together, they evolve very quickly, becoming something truly incredible to behold.
Stage 10: Apotheosis. This is the only stage that cannot be truly called newbie, for there are few people that could teach such a player. At this Stage thought and action are as one. Only another
Stage 10, and maybe a Stage 9, could ever hope to defeat such an opponent.
So which newbie stage are you at? =)
